6 Fast Facts About Family Therapy

When our kids are in crisis, therapy can help the whole family heal.

It happens in many families. There may be one kid who seems more troubled than the rest. Perhaps there is trouble in school, underage drinking, or a tendency to get into fights with siblings or act like a bully to other kids. On the other end of the spectrum, it may be may be that the child that is withdrawn, depressed, has a hard time making friends, and is bullied by others. The list of potential family challenges goes on.

Parents scratch their heads trying to figuring out how to control the child’s behavior and the acting out, and sometimes miss that deeper problem is in the family itself. That’s where family therapy can help. While shame and fear may lead you to want to keep dysfunction a secret, many families find healing when they seek professional help for the crisis. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), 6.1 Million People are seen annually by Family Therapists.

You are not alone. Here is what you need to know about seeking family therapy.

1. Family Therapy provides intervention. It is a discipline in the field of psychology designed to deal specifically with the whole family, bringing key members into the therapy room. “[It’s] therapy focused on the systems of the family and how interactions take place on interpersonal and relationship levels,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Lisa Bahar, MA, CCJP, LMFT, LPCC. “Therapists are in tune with the breakdowns and areas that need an intervention in order for families to function in a healthier way.”

2. Everyone has a say and a chance to listen. Many families have ineffective listening and communication skills but when gathered together with therapeutic support members have a chance to hear one another’s points of view and experiences. “Family therapy helps people talk openly about their feelings,” says Dr. Jane Greer, PhD., author and marriage and family therapist. “Instead of negativity coming out in angry, hurtful behaviors, it’s being addressed directly so that changes can take place and people can get their feelings heard. Thus, problem solving can occur.”

3. It is not just the person with the problem. It is natural to want to place blame on someone, such as the child who seems to be creating problems, but family therapists look at the entire family system. “Whoever the identified patient is, they carry the symptoms of the family,” says Greer. “When you start to deal with that person’s behavior, you’ll see a ripple effect, and everyone else in the system will react. Their emotional energy is [then] back in their lap and on their shoulders. It’s never one person who has the problem — the whole family does.” She describes it like a body, where cancer in one part will create a breakdown in the whole immune system and require strengthening of the whole system.

4. It is good for your kids. Not only does it show your children that you are invested enough to seek therapy together, it gives them a chance to heal and to also see your growth and progress. “It helps kids because they have an equal voice in a therapy session,” says family psychologist Ganz Ferrance, PhD. “They are given time to talk and also receive validation for their feelings. It can also help the parents see past blind spots in themselves or with their kids. It also sets a precedent that the kids can get help when they need it later in life.”

5. Safe place for secrets. One of the reasons people put off seeking help is they fear that skeletons in the closet will be revealed, but, ultimately, many families find it liberating to share the truth. “People are much more likely to tell friends they have cancer or even AIDS then to tell them they are going to therapy,” says life coach Iris Fanning, MA, LPCC. “And Families are afraid of family secrets coming out. And there is a fear of being vulnerable to others. It’s this same vulnerability, however, that allows for compassion and healing.”

6. Good for preventive care too. While most people seek therapy in a crisis, it can be used as a preventive measure. “People who are interested in growth, better communication and closer family ties come in for prevention,” says Fanning. “However, there are fewer families that come in for prevention. Generally more families come in when there is a crisis because they are highly motivated to stop the pain and make changes. “

Have you ever experienced family therapy?